i moved

so i moved, and im not telling anyone

i feel like moving house too. today pm round 1b, then oncall tmoro. then course, then oncall, then cuti!!

not everything

not everything is as it seems. whatever. but if thats what it takes, so be it. go on.

this would probably suffice as a status update or a tweet, but its a blog entry. i cant take the attention

hm tak gune berperasaan. people do what the like when they like regardless of how it makes u feel. hm does this make me selfish and self centered? does it make u?

ergh mls nk lyn. serious

what the heck

loving these designs

loving the styles from shukr

reading n writing

i need to write in here. it helps me think things out.

anyway my room is a mess! and i have to get that double bed (which i dont sleep in) out of the house. i was wondering how to get rid of it when the landlady calls asking if we need those extra beds. she actually wanted the double decker beds (which we use as a sofa/daybed). so i offered the doublebed instead. i think its actually a queen/king, its so huge.

we finally went to the beach beside our house. its actually a lagoon. there was so many people! reminds me of taman bandar on wekends. i read a book, there was a nice breeze blowing =)

things are looking up. i remember why im here

books

im starting to remember my love of books. im starting to read again. thanx nadia! im reading a jude deveraux. i went to the beach today, minum air kelapa and was immersed in my book.im having trouble sleeping. maybe im not working hard enough. i was always so tired in my previous postings. mama could never reach me because i was always sleeping. maybe she was  right, o&g is one of those postings which shows off ur true colours. kemalasan yang terserlah. i never knew anyone (or a whole group of people) could work this way. so very berkira. even down to the very last second. i probably have an attitude problem myself by the looks of things. a common scenario prevails:

"dr, tlg set line, pt ni ada antibiotics"
"line tercabut pukul brape?"
and so the nurse proceeds to find out, if the line is out during oncall time then please call the oncall people. seriously this happens. setakat nk set line pun berkira. huhu i am seriously in awe

and we havent even come to talk about clerking cases, taking blood, referring cases etc2. i get so frustrated that getting to the right person to refer a case takes longer than actuallly presenting the case. seriously

whatever. at the very least i hope i learnt what not to do, or what not to become in this posting. in my first posting i learnt about teamwork. the only thing that they repeated over and over again was: jangan berkira

cold

my hands are so cold. poor babies. my hands stayed cold even after putting them under the warmer. the labour room is soooooo sleepy. i need a place to lie down

oncall

im oncall. oncall NOR=national obstetrics registry, where i have to go online and key in all the pt and delivery details.

there was this very tearful pt today whom i first encountered in the medical ward during the cholera outbreak. shes a sweet girl, the 2nd wife to her guru pondok. any way, i met her once in the antenatal ward, where she was admitted for reduced fetal movement. she was discharged, and came in today in labour. well the reason she was teary was because nobody was there in the labour room with her. her so called husband was too busy teaching to even come for his child birth. and shes not on speaking terms with her mother. dr, pls promise not to leave me. im sorry i cant, i have to check these babies. you poor thing. the baby boy was born healthy, but a bit tachypnoeic. so we admitted him to 6cd. all through out this, ive never even met the babys dad.

this is my second oncall in ong. the first one was admissions last week. o&g sets u up to be wary and afraid of making decisions lest u make a mistake and have to be audited. its difficult, to be working like this, but thats the way it is i guess. dear Allah please help me make the right decisions pertaining to my patient care.

i plan to brush up my antenatal usg skills. a senior in KK made sure i didnt miss out on this, coz he did.

and i hope to dear God that the OT on tuesday runs accordingly. am i even allowed to write all this here? it might even be sensitive. oh well. it doesnt matter anymore. nothing really does anymore. how morbid of me.

its too difficult to feel too much. its makes u stuck and unable to move on.

even i cant move to sabah in my 2nd yr hoship, planning a trip there sounds good! hm how will i ever convince the department to let me have my holidays? thats the most crucial element of the whole planning of the trip. i went around this time last year, just looking at the pictures makes me feel good. we stayed right in the middle of KK and walked everywhere. k rena kindly let us use her car while she went to work and we visited museums and other touristy sites.

i called up my good friends in uia, my study groupmates, my roomates, my old time kopitiam mate =). thats where i always hang out after class. we always ate the same thing. hor fun, french toast, nasi lemak, spirulina orange and white coffee. we always sat at the same spot and talked about everything.

i wonder if ill remember these times in ktrg like that. ill probably remember the waterfront best, i liked the view. nobody ever really talks. its just different. all on a much much superficial level. u know its not gonna last.

there i go blabbering again.

worn out

im so tired. i cannot sleep. not even post call. im too tired to try to understand. too tired to care and to feel. u cant say i didnt try. i did. ure no fun anymore.

what do u want from me?nothing apparently

im suppose to go to work early. how can i when i cant sleep? midazolam stat pls